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How To Resolve Differences Part 1

By Pastor J.D. Link

Abundant Grace Fellowship Church, Blanco, TX

The Bible tells us in 1Corinthians 12:12-27, that we are all members of one body, who is Christ. If you are born again, you have received the spirit of adoption; which means you can now call God “Daddy” (Rom 8:15). That makes us brothers and sisters in Christ; a.k.a. “Family”. A church body is a family. Families don’t cut and run when there are disagreements. Families are supposed to work out their differences. This teaching not only applies to your church family; but these practical principles can also be used in your work family; your home family; and your extended family of friends. Let’s get into God’s Word.

Ephesians 6:10-12 tells us that our war is not against flesh and blood; but against spiritual forces of darkness. 2Cor 10:3-5 tells us that the weapons of are warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to pull down strongholds. So the first thing we need to realize, is that PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEM. If it has flesh and blood, your war is not against it. Your boss; your wife; your husband; your kids; your co-worker; a person at church: they are not your problem. We war against satan; are warfare is spiritual, and we’re to use spiritual weapons (see Eph 6:13-18).

Why do you think Jesus said to bless those that curse you? Pray for those that use you? That’s fighting a spiritual war with spiritual weapons. Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy (Jn 10:10). We are not to hate our brother or sister, we are to love them. If we don‘t, then God’s Word says you don’t love God, either (1Jn 2:11, 4:20-21). Love for the brethren is an out flowing of your love for God. They go hand and hand.

Second, we must know that God HATES DISUNITY. Proverbs 6:16-19 says that a person who sows discord among the brethren is an abomination to God. He hates it because of the damage it does to His church, and the lives it can ruin. Jesus prayed that we would be one with each other, as He is one with The Father (Jn 17:20-21). Where there is envy and strife, there is confusion and every evil work (Jam 3:16). God hates it. God wants a church body to have no divisions, and be perfectly joined together (1Cor 1:10). He wants us to be spiritual; to be mature: not carnal, with a bunch of strife and division (1Cor 3:1-3).

God says in Proverbs 22:10 that when you cast out the scorner, contentions will cease. And Prov. 26:20 says, that where there is no wood, the fire goes out; so where there is no back biter, strife ceases. We don’t want to be the person God is referring to here. We want to strive for unity, and not be a problem causer. However, if there are any pastors reading this, don’t be upset if some one has left your church, and your attempts to reconcile have been rejected. It could be God doing you a big favor, and “casting out the scorner“.

The third principal in resolving differences is knowing that the first will be last (Mt 20:16), and the greatest is the least (Lk 9:48). That’s how God’s kingdom works. John the Baptist said that Jesus must increase, and he must decrease. That should be our heart. Phip 2:2-4 says we should esteem other people higher than ourselves, and not be focused on ourselves all the time. That’s why so many people are depressed; they’re so self centered, they don’t think of what they could do for anyone else. Rom. 12:10 says we should prefer our brothers and sisters over our self; and Eph 4:1-3 says we should bear each other in love, and keep unity and peace.

So many times, the reason we get offended or have strife, is because we want our way, or recognition, or our title. We want to be served, instead of being a servant. Or we go to church to observe and criticize, instead of to love and serve. Borrowing from JFK, “Ask not what your church can do for you; but what you can do for your church”. Jesus, The Lord of Glory, our example, got on His knees and washed His disciple’s dirty feet. That needs to be our attitude. You should use your ministry (service) to build people; not use people to build your ministry.

There is much more to say on this next week, Lord willing. Until next time, rejoice in The Lord!

How To Resolve Differences Part 2

By Pastor J.D. Link

Abundant Grace Fellowship Church, Blanco, TX

Last week we started to talk about how we’re to resolve differences. This applies not only to the church; but in marriages and families, in work relationships, and in friendships as well. We saw the first three principles in resolving differences are: 1. Know who your enemy is (and it’s not people Eph 6:10-12) 2. Know that Jesus hates disunity (Prv 6:16-19, Jn 17:20-21). 3. Know that the first will be last, and the least shall be the greatest (Lk 9:48, Mt 20:16). Knowing these things will actually help you avoid many conflicts before they ever happen. However, things will come up in relationships that need to be dealt with. In that case, the Bible tells us exactly what to do. Let’s get into God’s Word.

In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus tells us the steps we need to take to resolve our differences. These steps are: 1. Go to the person alone 2. If that doesn’t work, take 2 or 3 more people (arbitration) 3. If that doesn’t work, take it before the whole church (through the pastor, of course) 4. If that doesn’t work, pray for them and try to win them to Christ (because obviously, they’re not saved). Real basic. Real simple. Rarely done. We usually just get mad and leave, and then go complain and gripe to everybody else; except to the person we have the issue with. Of course this is the world’s way; but sadly, Christians typically do the same thing. These things ought not to be.

First, with a spirit of humility, go to the person. I’d think this would solve the overwhelming majority of issues between two people. If we as Christians would just practice this one thing, I believe there would be very little strife in the church. Just go to the person!!! I think the reason most people don’t, is because their problem is so petty it would be embarrassing to bring it up. But if it’s a legitimate problem, then go to the person alone and try to work it out before you involve anyone else (Prov 25:9, Lev 19:17). This is the way of Christ Jesus.

The person being confronted needs to be humble as well, and willing to receive a reproof. Way too many Christians wear their emotions on their sleeve; and the slightest correction or reproof devastates them. That’s a sorry, non-Christian attitude. Look up these Scriptures to see how you should handle reproof and instruction (Ps 141:5, Prov 1:5, 6:23, 9:8-9, 13:18, 15:5, 19:25, 25:12, 27:5-6, 28:23). We should welcome correction when we need it (done in love from a pure heart; not by manipulation or domination). That’s what a wise man does.

If going to them alone doesn’t work (assuming they’re still at the church, and haven’t hit the road), then take 2 or 3; one of them being the pastor. The pastor doesn’t even need to know about the first step in my opinion (unless he’s one of the two involved), but he does need to be a part of the second. The few things that aren’t cleared up by step one, should be taken care of here. A friendly, sit down, family discussion. Again, this doesn’t happen often; but it should.

If, after much prayer and patience, and every attempt made to settle the dispute, the person still doesn’t want to make things right; then Jesus said to take it before the church (through the pastor, see Heb. 13:7, 17, 1Pt 5:1-3). We’re not talking about someone who is struggling with an issue or sin in their life, and is receiving counseling and prayer. We are talking about someone who is just blatantly rejecting the counsel of God’s Word and His church; and doesn’t even feel an ounce of remorse or conviction about it (1Cor 5:1-6). There is a big difference between the two heart attitudes.

After all of these efforts are made, and there is still no change (realistically, they would already be at a church down the street or in another town); then we are to treat that person as a mission field. They are not a brother or sister in Christ; they are a lost person who needs Jesus.